alot of pondering
This past week has left me emotionally drained.
Confusion is everywhere and I don't think I can sort out alot of this stuff.
First of all Kelli is going to die very soon.
Second, I met a guy I really like online but am scared because of failure.
Third, Christianity
Fourth, Death in general.
and finally my unemployment.
Usually I candy coat stuff to help others swallow what I have to say. But not today.
Death seems to surround me everywhere and I don't know if it is permanent or not and is it catching?
All sorts of death to deal with: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. How do we truly live if we can't see what real life is?
Life is so sad, sometimes. I wish I was more eloquent with my words but this is all I can com up with.
I won't cry about death cause that is what it wants. But sometimes I am so tired of fighting. Are there any alternatives to fighting.
We are mere human beings that are given our share of problems, triumphs, sorrow, pain, laughter, gifts.
Sometimes I wish I was more than what I am: better communicator, better friend, better daughter, sister, purpose taker.
Sometimes I made excuses for so many things in life that cause me to die (not physically).
I think fear and misunderstanding and maybe comfort and lack of change is what truly kills us in the end.
Anyways, I hope that everyone is well. So much to think about
Confusion is everywhere and I don't think I can sort out alot of this stuff.
First of all Kelli is going to die very soon.
Second, I met a guy I really like online but am scared because of failure.
Third, Christianity
Fourth, Death in general.
and finally my unemployment.
Usually I candy coat stuff to help others swallow what I have to say. But not today.
Death seems to surround me everywhere and I don't know if it is permanent or not and is it catching?
All sorts of death to deal with: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. How do we truly live if we can't see what real life is?
Life is so sad, sometimes. I wish I was more eloquent with my words but this is all I can com up with.
I won't cry about death cause that is what it wants. But sometimes I am so tired of fighting. Are there any alternatives to fighting.
We are mere human beings that are given our share of problems, triumphs, sorrow, pain, laughter, gifts.
Sometimes I wish I was more than what I am: better communicator, better friend, better daughter, sister, purpose taker.
Sometimes I made excuses for so many things in life that cause me to die (not physically).
I think fear and misunderstanding and maybe comfort and lack of change is what truly kills us in the end.
Anyways, I hope that everyone is well. So much to think about
posted by Anica at
06:25
3 Comments:
Actually, Anica, you are not alone. I think one of the planets is in retrograde right now, and I've noticed in talking with other online loved ones that we're all going through our own personal changes/difficulties etc.. right now. This is a year of transition for many, many people be it death, heartache, career switching, money etc...I wrote a therapeutic poem about my own personal hell right now in the forum on RP. You are not alone, sister. As they say in Italian, Couragio! Things always ebb and flow...and life goes on. I hope you find the light in the dark, as I am trying to do. :hug:
Mourning, fear, despair - all part of the rich pageantry of life. What you know, and what I know, is that this isn't where it ends. The tide of joy, discovery, and love comes back, always. Don't be afraid to live. :hug:
What Lexie and BHD said. And know you are not alone, that there are many of us who still must figure out what this ride is all about. And it appears to be about everything. Just not all at once.
Even if it does fel like it sometimes. Hang in there and keep sharing what is going on. ;-)
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